Getting over a broken heart is never easy. Whether it’s the end of a relationship, the loss of someone you love or dealing with the pain from being treated unfairly…it well and truly sucks.
I’m not usually one for writing such personal posts…but having been on the road for ten months I was surprised to meet many others who were in a very similar situation to me. And there’s probably even more of you out there right now, going through exactly the same thing, wondering whether a solo adventure could help you get over such heartache. Perhaps (like I did) you have idealistic visions of going on a journey of self-discovery, much like Elizabeth Gilbert in “Eat, Pray, Love” (that book/film has a lot to answer for!)
But is it REALLY the answer?
Well here’s my story…
Two years ago I had my heart broken in more ways than one. Within the space of a few months, I was dealing with the breakdown of a six year relationship, and the sudden loss of both my remaining grandparents, who were a both such a huge inspiration to me. My world literally felt like it had been turned upside down.
But if I am being completely honest with myself, this sense of loss had been lingering for a good while beforehand. I had generally been lacking direction and focus, and this was starting to permeate into other areas of my life as well. My job. My diploma. My friendships. My general well-being.
There was no reasonable explanation for it. I had a roof over my head, a good job, supportive family and friends, a happy social life. But for whatever reason I couldn’t shake that feeling that something was missing.
The turning point…
They often say that difficult times make you stronger and when my relationship came to an end, it was the catalyst for me to realise that the only person who was going to drag me kicking and screaming out of this rut…was me.
For others going through such heartache and confusion this could mean surrounding themselves with supportive peers, making a fresh start somewhere new, or taking up a new hobby to occupy their mind.
But for me, it was finally dusting off my backpack to fulfil a life-long dream and go on a solo adventure across the world.
But can travelling really heal a broken heart?
I don’t think there is a simple yes or no to this question.
If you want to travel just to escape…then the answer is probably no. All you’ll end up doing is running away and wallowing in self-pity somewhere else. Your problems will still be there when you return and chances are you’ll end up feeling even more confused than you did before you left.
But if you can see it as an opportunity to learn and grow…then the healing process can become the welcome by-product of the experiences that naturally come with travel.
While I don’t necessarily believe travelling solo will “fix” a broken heart…I do believe there are a number of ways in which it can help you move on…
Travel gives you distance and time
They say time is a great healer. Well distance can be too. Travelling is a great way to separate yourself from the past and learn to let go of those memories. But within time it will also help you focus on the happier memories too. I can honestly say that I now look back on my relationship with a smile. No more resentment or anger or asking the question “why”. Just an understanding that life does not always turn out the way you plan, but that doesn’t make what DID happen any less important. It’s all part of your journey.
Travelling helps you become more independent
If you have been in a relationship for a long time, then chances are the “you” and “me” naturally became a “we” at some point. When a relationship ends, at first it can be a complete shock to the system that the only person you now have to think about is you. But travelling solo forces you to think on your own two feet and make your own decisions and choose your own direction. You have complete freedom to do what you want and when you want, so embrace it!
Travel reconnects you with who YOU are
Travelling gives you the chance to be completely free of daily responsibilities and just focus on yourself. If you’re travelling solo, chances are you’ll get plenty of solitary moments to reflect. You’ll learn to truly understand yourself – what you love, what you hate, what you can and won’t tolerate. Furthermore, you’re bound to be pushed out of your comfort zones from time-to-time. And when you surprise yourself with how well you coped with those situations, you’ll feel a stronger and more confident person because of it.
Travel gives you new friendships and memories
On the road you get to meet so many amazing people, both backpackers and locals, from all different walks of life, some of which could even end up becoming lifelong friends. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people is a great way to distract yourself – you’ll be too busy creating new unforgettable memories to spend time dwelling on the past.
Travel could become the new love of your life
Who knows you could just meet that special someone among all your new travel buddies. Or maybe you won’t. But either way you might end up falling completely head over heels in love with travel. Like any good relationship, travel will continue to inspire you, surprise you, and support you (and maybe even piss you the hell off at times!) But above all else, it will definitely bring out the best in you. And that to me sounds like the perfect match.
Have you ever gone off on a solo adventure to get over a broken heart? Share your stories with me below!
35 Comments
Cathy
February 9, 2016 at 9:15 pmLovely blog! For me the healing for my broken heart was hiking! Through divorce I fell in love with the woods and mountains. They healed me and made me stronger physically and mentally. Travel became another love after:)
Cat MacGregor
February 9, 2016 at 10:59 pmGreat article! My ex-boyfriend and I actually started a world trip together just over 5 months ago but split up 2 weeks ago. I still have a lot of places I want to see so I am actually quite excited about now being able to do this alone. In my experience it’s when you travel alone that all the best experiences happen because you put yourself out there more. That said, pushing 30 I’m worried I don’t have the stamina for partying and constant friend-making that I used to!
whereisnoodles
February 9, 2016 at 11:09 pmHaha I’m pushing the other side of 30 and still managed it! Here’s to a new chapter 🙂
Joe
February 10, 2016 at 6:36 amGreat post. I agree that it’s all abut your mental approach to it – see it as a positive opportunity for a new start and it can be great. Use it as a consolation prize and it will probably backfire…any post that advocates caution and responsibility over this sort if thing is a good one, so thanks for sharing 🙂
Rah Ul
February 10, 2016 at 6:02 pmIt did wonders for me. It was 3 years ago when I broke up with the “love of my life” and it wasn’t easy. That’s when I decided to make my first ever solo trip, out of intuition and voila!! It changed my whole life and I never had to rely on “time to fix my wounds” there on 😉 But, for better or worse, it kinda spoilt me, as well, as I haven’t been in a long-term relationship ever since, which kinda bothers me sometimes but, you know… such is life 😉
Nice blog, btw. Happy travels 🙂
Shelly
February 10, 2016 at 6:40 pmI have never gone traveling to mend a broken heart, but I can truly see how it can help. Traveling can really help open your eyes to all the other amazing people and things in the world.
mark
February 10, 2016 at 7:00 pmI think it was the distraction from everyday life that helped you and the distance from things that had created memories
Rob Taylor
February 10, 2016 at 7:56 pmYes, travel works for that. I’ve done it too, but totally relocating (because I was young and dramatic) and traveling to find happiness. And then I just fell in love with travel too.
melody pittman
February 11, 2016 at 1:29 amI have no idea if it works or not but it certainly opens up a bunch more choices for finding the perfect mate…or someone to fill the void. 😉
Ami Bhat
February 11, 2016 at 2:52 amI honestly have not but I know of friends who have. Some come back with a fresh perspective and some actually end up worse than before. Not sure what goes on there.
Gearoid McSweeney
February 11, 2016 at 7:21 amYes, anything that gives you space and distance is the best cure for a broken heart. Not being close to a situation helps so much.
Voyager
February 11, 2016 at 8:18 amWhether travelling soothes a broken heart may be subjective, but I do feel that it allows you to travel deep down inside yourself and rediscover your thoughts and emotions.
tots2travel
February 11, 2016 at 2:13 pmPretty much everyone i met on my 6 months travelling was newly single. Not miserable, not running away but finally able to just do what they wanted to do.
Ajay Sood
February 11, 2016 at 6:17 pmTo confess, for me, there has been once that I took off solo to get over a broken relationship. For me it was a blessing in disguise – found my wife during that little journey! 😉
whereisnoodles
February 12, 2016 at 12:09 pmamazing! the world works in mysterious ways 😉
Elizabeth @ Compass & Fork
February 11, 2016 at 10:54 pmI just think travel is good for the soul. Anytime. If you need to get some perspective go someplace totally different from where you live.
whereisnoodles
February 12, 2016 at 12:09 pmtotally agree with you Elizabeth!
Girlswanderlust
February 12, 2016 at 11:19 amNice post! Very brave you did solo-travelling. We think that travelling can help to heal a broken heart!
whereisnoodles
February 12, 2016 at 12:08 pmthanks 🙂
Renate
February 12, 2016 at 10:54 pmBeautifully written! Thank you so much for sharing <3
whereisnoodles
February 18, 2016 at 9:14 pmThanks Renate 🙂
solosophie
February 13, 2016 at 10:58 amI think you’re completely right: there is no yes or no answer and it depends on your take on things 🙂
Serica
February 13, 2016 at 2:44 pmI love your insight on this! So timely for my current breakup! Kudos to you for learning all that and being able to place them into words that are so simple yet so true! Keep it up!
Wanderlustingk
February 17, 2016 at 1:33 amGreat post. I actually ended up dating my boyfriend after our love of travel got us together, but I’ve been there too as my first backpacking trip taught me many of the same lessons, including how independent I can be. Hope your travel is helping!
Katie Uniacke
February 17, 2016 at 8:43 amI just broke up with a boyfriend I met on my last big trip, when I let him take the reins and lost that independent streak, and I know that a solo adventure is just what I need to get my confidence back up and prove to myself that I can do absolutely anything all on my own! Thanks for a bit of timely inspiration!
whereisnoodles
March 29, 2016 at 10:13 pmThanks Katie, I’m sure it won’t take you long to take the reigns back. Thank you for reading 🙂
Ronda
March 11, 2016 at 7:33 pmI whole heartedly agree with this. I really believe it can heal a broken heart. After my boyfriend and I broke up I moved to Costa Rica for a few months, I didn’t do it to escape, but the people I met there helped me see I wasn’t alone in my heartbreak. I made so many friends and even met a woman from Switzerland who went through some horrible and heartbreaking situations one after the other, she actually started traveling to escape it all. But I kept in contact with her and I know when she moved back home after traveling 6 months she was refreshed and ready to start again. I don’t think it’s ideal to use travel to escape from something either, but sometimes it ends up being a pretty good remedy. Lovely Post!
whereisnoodles
March 11, 2016 at 7:38 pmThanks Ronda, I’m glad to hear it helped 🙂
What You Need To Know About Solo Travel | Trips100
March 21, 2016 at 11:05 am[…] Solo travel won’t fix your broken heart, says Where is Noodles, because any pain you leave will still be there when you get home – unless you stop viewing your trip as an escape and start seeing it as a chance to grow and learn. Read more here… […]
Patricia - Ze Wandering Frogs
March 30, 2016 at 8:35 pmThanks for sharing, and kudos for your solo travel.
Paula
March 30, 2016 at 10:14 pmI am not sure if it can heal but I think the space of travelling alone can really help you work out what is important to you. Good Luck on your jouneys!
Christine K
March 30, 2016 at 10:50 pmTravel certainly does all the things you said it does. It can be sad too because you still have that pain and you’re not connected with anything. On the other hand, time, distance, and seeing the world can truly help you heal. Very nice post.
Jojo
March 31, 2016 at 2:12 amI am glad to hear that traveling solo helped you grow. How long did you travel solo for?
Gabriela Rios
April 2, 2016 at 4:09 amI travelled to The Emirates shortly after I split Up with my husband. Ready to prepare myself to a divorce stage. Not only healed my heart but also made me stronger, seeing everything from the tallest skyscraper in the World gave me only one chance to touch the Sky and let myself to feel as light as a cloud. No more tears and pain in my heart… and I keep on travelling sólo, always finding sth new in me and collecting the best memories ever. And the most important lesson during these trips : forgiveness!!! ☺ Gaby from Argentina
Tyra
April 5, 2016 at 2:57 amI love this because travel can give you time to heal yourself. And to learn more about yourself. This is a great post.